RE:GEN NOIR · File No. 01

The Alpha Is IRL

A mysterious wallet starts sweeping Re:Gens during a night at DeStefano’s. Everyone assumes a conspiracy.

Brooklyn.

Eight million people.

Nine million opinions.

And at least twelve thousand people claiming they’re “building.”

It was just after midnight when I first heard the name.

Re:Gen.

Tiny pixel people.

Small enough to fit in your wallet.

Big enough to ruin a grown man’s sleep schedule.

They called it a community.

But in this town…

every community had a back room.

And every back room had a guy named Jed.

You could find Jed at DeStefano’s.

Brooklyn steakhouse.

Dim lights.

Heavy pours.

Prime beef.

And enough NFT profile pictures walking through the door to make you question whether humanity had taken a wrong turn somewhere around 2021.

Woof stood at the entrance.

Nobody had officially hired Woof as security.

Nobody had officially told him he wasn’t either.

He looked me over.

“Wallet?”

“My what?”

“Wallet.”

“I’m here for dinner.”

Woof leaned closer.

“Great day to be a Re:Gen.”

Then he opened the rope.

I wasn’t sure whether I’d passed the test…

or if there had ever been one.

Jed sat at the corner booth.

Chair facing the room.

Of course it was.

Across from him sat Lyss.

Calm.

Observant.

Usually the smartest person in whatever room had decided to become a crisis.

Nobody knew exactly what was going on between Jed and Lyss.

Friends?

Business partners?

Something else?

Nobody knew.

And the more people asked…

the less likely they were to find out.

Jed spotted me.

“MY GUY.”

There are few phrases more dangerous in Web3.

I sat down.

A ribeye appeared.

I never ordered one.

That was DeStefano’s.

Steaks appeared.

People appeared.

Occasionally entire NFT projects appeared.

Nobody asked questions.

Then McFly walked in.

Suit.

Red tie.

Sunglasses.

At night.

Nobody addressed it.

He stopped in the doorway.

“IRL…”

A pause.

“…is the alpha.”

Someone at the bar nodded.

Another man whispered:

“That’s so true.”

McFly took his seat.

I made the mistake of asking what it meant.

He stared at me.

“Anybody can type GM.”

He gestured around the restaurant.

“But can you eat a porterhouse with somebody?”

I had no response.

McFly nodded.

Exactly.

That was when somebody yelled:

“THE FLOOR’S MOVING.”

I looked down.

Beautiful hardwood.

Recently polished.

Nothing unusual.

Then the phones came out.

Wallets.

Charts.

Seven Re:Gens had sold.

Then eight.

Then nine.

Jed stood up.

“Who’s buying?”

Lyss barely looked up.

“Check the wallet.”

Thirty seconds later, McFly’s expression changed.

“I know who it is.”

Jed leaned forward.

“Who?”

McFly looked around the table.

“Slopfather.”

Silence.

Even Woof stopped pretending to check the perimeter.

Slopfather.

Mancer.

A man whose investment philosophy was already legendary.

Most people diversified.

Slopfather had reportedly looked at his own project…

and decided the safest place for roughly seventy ETH…

was himself.

Ten Re:Gens later, everybody had the same question.

Why?

Jed paced.

“Something’s coming.”

Woof nodded.

“Announcement?”

McFly shook his head.

“Could be bigger.”

I looked at Lyss.

She was drinking quietly.

“You don’t seem worried.”

She shrugged.

“Maybe he just likes them.”

The table went silent.

Nobody liked that theory.

It was too reasonable.

Then another Re:Gen sold.

Slopfather again.

Jed stared at the screen.

“Get him in a Space.”

That was the plan.

Not stop him.

Not investigate him.

Get him in a Twitter Space.

Web3 had its own legal system.

Twenty minutes later, nearly two hundred people were listening.

Nobody knew why.

This was normal.

Slopfather joined.

Jed spoke first.

“Yo brother.”

“Hey.”

“First of all, appreciate you.”

“Thanks.”

“Second…”

Jed paused.

“You’ve been sweeping Re:Gens all night.”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

A pause.

Then Slopfather answered.

“I like them.”

Silence.

Jed tried again.

“You know something?”

“No.”

“Announcement?”

“No.”

“Mancer connection?”

“No.”

“You bought seventy ETH of your own project.”

“Correct.”

“And now you’re sweeping Re:Gens.”

“Correct.”

Jed leaned toward the phone.

“So they’re connected.”

“No.”

Nobody knew what to do with that.

Slopfather invested in two things.

Himself.

And whatever he liked.

Nothing in between.

Then McFly unmuted.

There was one question left.

“Slopfather.”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever been to DeStefano’s?”

“No.”

The restaurant froze.

McFly closed his eyes.

He had feared this.

“Brother…”

He stood.

Nobody on the Space could see him.

It didn’t matter.

Some speeches require standing.

“Blockchain records ownership.”

He put a hand over his heart.

“But steak…”

A pause.

“…records friendship.”

Woof looked emotional.

Jed nodded slowly.

McFly continued.

“Anybody can buy a JPEG.”

“But somewhere out there is a man you know as a cartoon animal…”

“…who could become one of your closest friends.”

The Space went quiet.

“IRL…”

McFly said.

“…is the alpha.”

Nobody spoke.

Then a notification appeared.

Slopfather had bought another Re:Gen.

During the speech.

Jed looked at his phone.

“He’s still sweeping.”

By three in the morning, the mystery was solved.

No insider information.

No secret announcement.

No coordinated whale play.

Slopfather simply liked the art.

It was almost disappointing.

Jed locked up.

Woof checked the door twice.

Lyss gathered her things.

McFly disappeared into the Brooklyn rain, presumably searching for someone else who had failed to attend an IRL event.

And somewhere online…

Slopfather kept buying.

He had never been to DeStefano’s.

Not yet.

But McFly believed he’d gotten through to him.

Nobody saw Slopfather react.

Nobody heard him promise anything.

That didn’t matter.

McFly knew.

And in this town…

confidence was often mistaken for evidence.

My phone buzzed.

Another Re:Gen sold.

Slopfather.

Again.

I looked back through the restaurant window.

Jed stacking chairs.

Lyss saying something I couldn’t hear.

Woof checking a building nobody had threatened.

Maybe community mattered.

Maybe McFly was right.

Maybe IRL really was the alpha.

Then my phone buzzed again.

McFly started a new Space.

Title:

WHY IRL IS THE ALPHA — EMERGENCY LATE NIGHT SPACE

I checked the time.

3:14 AM.

Some mysteries…

were better left unsolved.

FADE TO BLACK.

RE:GEN NOIR, Season One

Season One1 of 20 files open

RE:GENNOIR

The ongoing story of Web3, as seen from DeStefano’s.

Mint now 0.006 ETH Read File No. 01 free

Chapters are read live in X Spaces, then filed here.

BROOKLYN · —:— — RAINING · DESTEFANO’S IS OPEN

A ribeye appeared. I never ordered one.

That was DeStefano’s. Steaks appeared. People appeared. Occasionally entire NFT projects appeared.

Nobody asked questions.

Look around the room. Anything in here could be evidence, and somebody is always recording.

The Files

Tonight’s menu

Every chapter is a file. The first one is on the house. The rest are read live in X Spaces first, then plated here for pass holders as the season goes.

Security footage

The Season One Pass

400 envelopes.
Every one opens every file.

For 0.006 ETH you get all twenty chapters of Season One as they’re filed, and the digital Season One book when the season closes. The mint is blind. Everyone gets the same sealed envelope, and nineteen of them hold something extra.

Price: 0.006ETH
Passes: 400
Mint: Blindrevealed after
Minted on: TBAchain to be announced

RE:GEN NOIRSEASON ONE PASSNo. ___ / 400DO NOT OPEN UNTIL THE REVEAL

Sample odds are the real odds. Real envelopes open after the mint closes.

What’s in the envelopes

All 400 open the files.
Nineteen open more.

The whole run

The after view is an example. The nineteen rare spots are posted before the mint, and a Base block after it closes decides which envelopes land on them. Nobody can steer a rare, including us.

How the season runs

One night at DeStefano’s

After Season One, the book goes on sale to everyone. The numbered first printing only ever comes with a pass.

Burn the evidence

Five envelopes.
One stool.

After the reveal, send five common envelopes at once to the burn address on OpenSea and you become a regular. Your Re:Gen takes one of the VIP seats at DeStefano’s for the rest of Season One, and the files stay open for you.

Eight VIP seats this season: four at the bar, four in the booth. One per wallet, in the order the burns land on Base. Rares don’t count toward a seat.

The whale table

Ten envelopes.
Dinner at DeStefano’s.

Send ten common envelopes at once and you’re at the whale table: dinner at DeStefano’s in Brooklyn with the other five whales, on the house.

Six places, separate from the eight seats. One per wallet, in the order the burns land on Base. Rares don’t count. Getting to Brooklyn is on you.

Door policy

Woof doesn’t take your wallet. He just looks at it.

Signing in proves you hold a pass. It never moves anything.

DOOR POLICY

Signature only. Signing in here costs nothing and moves nothing. Minting and burning happen on OpenSea. If this site asks you to approve anything, it isn’t us.
One door. The only official link is the one pinned on @burningbush_eth.
No DMs. Nobody from DeStefano’s will message you first.
It’s a pass and a book. Not an investment. Nobody here talks about floors.

— Woof (unofficially)

Pull up a chair.

400 passes · 0.006 ETH · blind mint · every file this season plus the digital book

Questions

Questions nobody asked

What is RE:GEN NOIR?

A dead-serious 1940s noir parody about Web3, narrated by BurningBush from DeStefano’s, a steakhouse in Brooklyn. Chapters are read live in X Spaces first, then filed here.

What does a pass get me?

Every Season One chapter as it’s filed (twenty are planned) and a digital copy of the Season One book when the season closes. File No. 1 stays free for everyone.

Where do I mint?

On OpenSea, on Base, for 0.006 ETH, up to fifteen per wallet. It opens Monday, October 5 at 11 AM ET. Re:Gen holders get the first two hours and fifteen of their own, from a snapshot of Re:Gen wallets taken before the mint. At 1 PM ET it opens to everyone, and holders can take fifteen more. The only real link is the one pinned on @burningbush_eth.

What does burning envelopes do?

After the reveal, send common envelopes to the burn address on OpenSea: select them in your profile, choose Transfer, and paste the address below. Send five at once and you become a regular: your Re:Gen takes one of eight VIP seats at DeStefano’s for the rest of Season One. Send ten at once and you’re at the whale table: dinner at DeStefano’s in Brooklyn with the other five whales, on the house. Getting to Brooklyn is on you. Either way, the files stay open for you. Seats and places go one per wallet, in the order the burns land on Base. Rares don’t count, so keep them. The burn address: 0x000000000000000000000000000000000000dEaD

What about the short stories?

At least five this season, mostly about the Re:Gens. They’re for Re:Gen holders, not pass holders. No Re:Gen yet? Pick one up on OpenSea.

What’s a blind mint?

Every pass mints as the same sealed envelope. After the mint closes, the envelopes open and you find out which one you have. 381 are season passes, 6 are co-writer passes, 10 are first-print passes and 3 are Re:Gen passes, which come with a Re:Gen. All 400 open every file. Nobody picks who gets a rare: the nineteen rare spots are posted before the mint, and a Base block after it closes decides which envelopes land on them.

Do co-writers also get the printed book?

No. A rare pass carries one extra, not both. Co-writers help write a Season Two chapter, first-print holders get a numbered printed copy, and a Re:Gen pass comes with a Re:Gen.

Can I just buy the book?

After Season One, yes. The book goes on sale to everyone once the season is done and printing costs are set. The numbered first printing only comes with a pass.

What if I sell my pass?

Access follows the pass. Whoever holds it can read the files, and if it’s a rare, whoever holds it when the perk is claimed gets the perk.

Is this an investment?

No. It’s access to the story and a copy of the book. Nobody here will talk to you about floors.

How do I know a link is really you?

The mint and the burn happen on OpenSea. This site only ever asks for one free signature to sign in. It never asks you to approve anything or send a transaction, and nobody from DeStefano’s will DM you first.

Are Jed and Lyss dating?

Nobody knows. And the more people ask, the less likely they are to find out.

Persons of interest

Known associates

Every file on this site was cracked out loud, in an X Space, usually after midnight. These are the people who were in the room.

And the friends who picked up at 3 AM. You know who you are. So does Woof.

All of this was built from Spaces. In this town, that’s what passes for a foundation.

BurningBush

RE:GENNOIR

Tonight’s menu

400 envelopes.Every one opens every file.

All 400 open the files.Nineteen open more.

The whole run

One night at DeStefano’s

Five envelopes.One stool.

Ten envelopes.Dinner at DeStefano’s.

Woof doesn’t take your wallet. He just looks at it.

DOOR POLICY

Pull up a chair.

Questions nobody asked

Known associates

400 envelopes.
Every one opens every file.

All 400 open the files.
Nineteen open more.

Five envelopes.
One stool.

Ten envelopes.
Dinner at DeStefano’s.